DVDs (but in an Australian accent)

One of my roommates generously lent me his TV and DVD player. Being the nerd that I am, the first movie I watched was his copy of "2010: The Year We Make Contact." That's right, it's the sequel to "2001: A Space Odyssey."

"2010" is great. Roy Scheider as the Alpha male, (does he wear those shorts in all of his movies?), Helen Mirren as a Russian astronaut, John Lithgow as a sporty engineer, HAL, no, really, it's a real movie.

Anyway, while my roommate explained that the remote didn't work too well, I was thinking, "bah, I can figure out a remote. I'm not even really listening to you, because I know so much about what you're yapping. Yap, yap, remote, yap, batteries, yap, yap." I watch 2010 with no problems and no need for a remote.

Last week, I rented the documentary, "EVOLUTION!," narrated by Liam Neeson! at the library. Let me just say that my neighborhood library's DVD selection is not so hot. They have classics like, "Britney Spears: Live from Las Vegas" and the 3rd season of "Andromeda." They also have an extensive Chinese movie collection which includes the acclaimed, "Hold firm chopstick like pencil," and the Chinese version of the 6th season of "Andromeda." Okay, so I can't read the Chinese, but they did have Chinese-dubbed Star Wars. I'll save it for next time.

So I took "EVOLUTION!" home, and soon realized that my roommate was serious about his yapping. For example, if I want to watch any chapter of EVOLUTION other than the stuffy-British-actor's reenactment of Darwin's life, complete with muttonchops (Muttonchops!), I need a remote.

Despite my roommate's insistence that all I had to do was open the battery cartridge and push down the batteries, I could not get the remote to work. Again, as I'm just too smart for remotes, I took the batteries out and was determined to "fix" the battery cartridge. Despite my engineering credentials (I was awarded the 3rd place woman-in-science prize at my high school, as I totally got an A- in Chemistry and was 1 of 2 girls in Physics), I couldn't fix it. The battery coils, and the batteries, were rusted. And the coils fell out.

Now's the time that I should tell you, my roommate bought this DVD/remote combo at ALDI. Yep, that discount grocery store from Germany that sells garbanzo beans for 39 cents and charges for plastic bags. My DVD player was created by the German company Medion, "a successful concept for more than 20 years!," although my particular model is a Tevion 1020, a sub-brand of the monolith that is Medion. (Yes, monolith, as in Asimov and monkeys and Roy Schieder's shorts.)

I've been spending the last half-hour or so searching for a Tevion 1020 remote. I was surprised that I remembered my eBay account info and logged into eBay-Australia which greeted me with a "G'day mate!" I think that eBay-Australia must be run by Americans as no civilized Australian web-designer would put "G'day mate!" on the top of an Australian website. And what would be the American equivalent? By the way, Turkish eBay is found at http://www.gittigidiyor.com/.

This blog is going to wind down to nothing, so I'll shift into a new story. I've been reading this book called, "An Australian in America." In one chapter, the author discusses the fake politeness of Americans. Apparently Americans (or Americans in 1989) are (were) known for being over-polite, always saying "Hello," "How can I help you?," etc... The author claims that this is all a bunch of crap and that these comments and questions are rhetorical. We don't want to help you. We don't really want to know how you are.

There could be some truth to this. Have you ever asked someone how they're doing and then they have the nerve to respond honestly and in detail? Americans can't deal. We want our nice-ities short and sweet. How are you? Fine. How are you? Fine. Cool, let's go to Abercrombie.

Also, why is it that you can always get sympathy for being hungover, but people are skeptical when you have a cold like you're faking or something? A cold's not your fault. The hangover though - no one forced those last two tequila shots down your throat.

Hang in there with me, we're almost done. Anyway, my favorite example from the Americans-are-not-really-polite chapter of "An Australian in America," was the following conversation the author overheard on a bus:

Bus Driver: "Have a nice day."
Old Woman: "What was that?"
Bus Driver: "You heard me."

acupuncture

I went to acupuncture this morning. I'm sure that a lot of you don't have experience with "Eastern Medicine" so here are a few tips:
1) The night before, you should go out to the bar for a few hours, get coffee and cake around midnight, and then walk home and lie awake wired, wondering if you should watch the "Rosemary's Baby" DVD that you rented at the library.
2) The next morning, pop a couple of vitamins.

I assumed, wrongly, that the "initial consultation" would not include needles in my arm. I don't know if any of you have had acupuncture. Basically, she (the acupuncturist) asked me what was wrong, and I bumbled my way through a description of my arm pain, shoulder tension, back pain, rapidly diminishing brain cells etc... I laid on a table and she massaged my arm to find the pain. When I winced, she put in needles.

There were less than ten needles in each arm. If you could draw a line connecting the needles, it would have followed the line of a tendon from elbow to hand. It was a weird sensation. A couple of times, I kicked my leg in reflex to the needle. And the first one made me teary. She said that was common, but maybe she was just making me feel better. They didn't hurt. They just made my arms heavy. On about 4 or 5 of the needles, she also put these little cone things and lit them on fire. They heated up for about 5 minutes and then died down. After about 10-15 minutes, she took them out and rubbed liquid tiger balm on my arms.

In general, it feels better. The tiger balm still feels good and there's a small bruise on my left elbow. I'm going back Friday.

Για σου (Yasou)

I started Greek this week. It was great. It's certainly a more leisurely-paced class than a college language course, but that's cool. In two hours, we learned the alphabet and how to say, "Hello, My name is Lena, lemonade, Nescafe, goodbye." I'd say 75% of the class either has some Greek heritage or is married to a Greek. For example: George and Kosta - Greek, Audrey and Kim - married to Greeks.

Here's a brief comparison of the history of Greeks in America (USA!) and Australia (??).

Greeks in America:
ca. 1850 - Americans get tired of making fun of Irish. They invite male Greeks to come to the U.S. to finish building the railroads
ca. 1890 - Greek men get around to responding and come to the U.S. They're too late to build the railroads, but they're in plenty of time to fix the railroads. They also find time to kill cows.
ca. 1900 - Greek women finish packing and go to the U.S.
ca. 1930 - Due to the depression, there is a shortage of steak fries, iceberg lettuce and blue and white awnings. Greek Americans invite the rest of Greece to join them.
ca. 1970 - Any other remaining Greeks show up and begin the SCOLA network.

Some notable Greek Americans: Jennifer Aniston - commonly referred to as "beige", Pete Sampras - did not graduate from high school, Bob Costas - okay, he's kind of a douche, but I still have a little crush on him.


Greeks in Australia:
ca. 1860 - Some Greek men mistakenly end up in Australia because they heard there was gold in Austria.
ca. 1950 - Australians get tired of making fun of the Irish. They invite Greek men to come and live in a desert at the bottom of the world, where there are no women, jobs, or olive oil. Greeks think this sounds like a good idea.
ca. 1960 - Greek women finish packing and join the men.
ca. 1970-2000 - Half the Greeks return to Greece and introduce "vegemite gyros."
ca. 2009 - Despite everyone telling me that Melbourne has the largest population of Greeks outside of Greece, I've seen one block with Greek-labeled trash cans, three Greek restaurants, and canned domathes at the grocery store.

Some notable Greek-Australians: Mark Philippoussis - I saw him lose at Wimbledon once, Anthony Koutoufides - no, not the lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jenny Mikakos - I don't who she is, but Wikipedia says she's a famous Greek-Australian.

Life is good.

I get the impression that some would like to hear more good things about my time here. Okay, ten things that are good, no cheating (and enjoy the video).

1) I love that I can get cheap "fast-food" vegetarian sushi rolls, with little flowers of wasabi and little fish-shaped containers of soy sauce.

2) Public transportation is awesome. Trams, trains and buses take me everywhere.

3) I'm also walking, a lot, and glad. While at a wedding last spring, I was complaining about having to wear heels. A friend, who had just recovered from chemo, told me to never complain about having to stand, or walk, cause you never know how great standing and walking are until you can't. So I don't, complain, about walking. It's awesome.

4) Every morning, I get to walk by a beautiful view of the Yarra River, the Melbourne Arts Centre, and the National Gallery.

5) My roommates are really great and I lucked out with an amazing place, in a cool part of town, for less than I pay in Madison.

6) Wine is cheap and good. Very good.

7) This week it rained a lot: good for the bushfire situation, good for the drought situation.

8) My piano professor and my classmates are great: fun, supportive, engaged (in what they do). It's fantastic.

9) I recently tried two new homeopathic remedies for my tendinitis that had immediate positive effects. And I love that outside of the U.S., homeopathics are suggested and supported instead of given the FDA's warnings: "Dear American consumer: You can buy this hippie flower crap if you want, but we have no medical studies funded by Proctor Gamble to prove its effectiveness. And spinach will kill you."

10) I'm so glad to be teaching classes again.

USA! USA! USA!

-DISCLAIMER- The U.S.A. is my favorite country on earth, my home and where I want to live, mostly...

The pics below are taken from a two or three block strip in the center of downtown. It's harder to find these sorts of places elsewhere in Melbourne, but admittedly, I haven't been everywhere.

Sometimes, I'm very paranoid about my accent and feel the need to apologize for being American, or rather, apologize for the actions of some Americans. "Dear Australia, I'm sorry that when our economy tanks, your economy tanks. I'm sorry that when we go to war, we force you to choose sides. I'm sorry that Jennifer Aniston is on all of your magazine covers as well."

On the other hand, when I tell people my website address, they comment, "Oh, nice, you don't have to have a country suffix on your websites. You just get a "dot" com (instead of .com.au)." And I think, "Yeah! Damn straight. We win! We're number 1! We get dot com. USA! USA! USA!"


Yesterday in class we were discussing the "Yes we can" slogan of Obama and the Australians all commented on how that wouldn't work here. They would be a bit skeptical of a "Yes we can" opting more for "Perhaps we can" or "What if we can't?"

Australians are also much more casual than us and I'm having difficulty adjusting to this. Libraries close at 6? Computer labs close at 5? You have to sign up to practice in the evening and weekends? I feel like I want to grab the whole city by the arm and say, "C'mon, let's go, Let's go!" I consider myself a pretty laid-back person, but also a need-to-be-busy person. When I complained about the computer lab hours to my classmates they looked at me like I was some coke addict. They also commented that Americans ARE seen as "can-do" people. "Yeah, that's right. I CAN DO it. I don't need coke, but if I want it, I can get it. It's a free country. Don't tread on me. USA! USA! USA!"

Lastly, my Brazilian roommate says that many Latin and South American people are offended by "Americans" calling themselves as such, seeing that we aren't the only ones living in "America" (you know, North and South America). He asked if maybe we could call ourselves, "United Statesians" or something. Hmm, probably not gonna go over too well. But what are you gonna do about it, Brazil, or Honduras, or Guyana? Nothing, USA! USA! USA!

If you look closely, you can see Subway, 7-11, Coca-Cola, AND Krispy Kreme down the way. I was telling my roommate how Subway blows and in the U.S. you can't get a decent vegetarian sub at Subway. He was surprised, saying that Australian Subway is probably better and I should try it out. I'm skeptical. They still have the triangle cheese.

Internet at McDonalds! Now you can bring your laptop while you eat french fries! All the McDonalds(es?) I've seen also have a "McCafe" where you can get fancy coffee drinks and pastries, albeit McDonalds versions.

This is the Australian Burger King. I guess they already had a place named Burger King in Adelaide. I checked out the menu and they still have the Whopper.

KFC, really? Gross.

There are actually quite a few donut places downtown. There are also cupcake places and at the farmer's markets, they sell "gourmet cupcakes."

I guess I don't know if EB Games is American.

Yep, there's Starbucks, and like 4 of them in a 6 block radius. I know, it's ridiculous.

Pictures of Nature

I was all ready to blab about something, but I figured some pictures were in order.

The first pic is from my window. There are hot-air balloon tours every morning so tourists can see naked people getting ready for work.


The next four or five are from a trip to the beach a few weeks ago.
If you zoom in on the first one, you can see a penguin perching on the dock.


I found this water rat thing totally gross.


One starfish.


Two starfish. es.



Pics at or near my apartment.
My resident cockroach.


These flowers are everywhere. There are also tons of beautiful rosebushes in white, red, and various shades of pink and purple. Every time I think I might take a picture of people's rosebushes, I don't, cause there are fences and shit.


My resident snail.


The Yarra River runs through the city, and there's a nice bike/walk path along it near my place.

These were taken at the gardens/park right across the street from my school.