Random!

Random pics - Random thoughts. See y'all soon. : )

Australians don't say "How ya doin?" or "How's it going?" They say, "How ya goin?"

Mark Brandon "Chopper" Read (yep, like the movie) lives on my block. I saw him yesterday.

http://www.chopperread.com/

Sometimes, when Australians are sick they say, "I'm crook." When I asked what crook meant someone said, "Crook, you know, as in 'I'm crook as a dog.'"

I don't know what it's like to live under an Obama presidency.

In Australia, 'power point' can refer to the software, or refer to an electrical outlet.

My Greek class taught me about a lot of things and a lot more than I expected.

I will miss my flatmates the most. They are awesome.

Penultimate Ponderings

The overeducated urge to summarize my experience is too great to ignore. But I'll put pictures up after this.

To answer, again, the often asked question, Has this experience been everything that you were hoping for?, Why does everyone ask me that? No one says, Are you having a good time? Yes, I've had a good time. Let's talk about

A U S T R A L I A

A lot of things that you can get in Melbourne, or in Australia, you can get other places, and perhaps, even better. Here are some things that you can't get elsewhere, or can't get better:

Sense of humor. Australians have a fantastically offbeat and sarcastic sense of humor. I highly recommend three Australian movies, two of which you may have seen, that seem to sum up the Australian sense of things: Chopper, Harvie Krumpet and Malcolm.

I was also told that Australians expect Americans to not understand their sarcasm and have had bad experiences with Americans not getting jokes in the past. Here's one story: My friend, a violinist, was at an American summer music camp. An American girl was about to perform in front of the group and was really nervous. My friend said, "Don't worry. The worst that can happen is that you do horribly and completely embarrass yourself in front of everyone." She gasped, then cried, and later my friend was told by others that it was an inappropriate comment.

Animals. I guess being an island makes an evolutionary difference. Australian animals are unique in the true sense of the word. Tasmanian Devils, the Duck-Billed Platypus, the whole marsupial gang, and many other animals that are obscenely large and seem to come from The Land That Time Forgot. I don't know, it's tough to explain, but even with all the pics of kangaroos and koalas I was totally unprepared for how they really look.

Australian Rules Football. It's a cross between American football, soccer and rugby, but more of a schoolyard game than a game bogged down with rules and regulations. In other words, the basics are easy to understand and the fans STAY ENGAGED THE WHOLE TIME. I've never seen this. I mean, you can't get a whole NFL stadium to cheer for every first down. The Aussies would cheer for everything, and this was an early season game. I was impressed and had a great time.

Aborigines. I haven't talked much about aborigines because I know so little, but I have thought a fair amount on the plight of Aborigines vs the plight of native peoples in the Western Hemisphere. I first typed up this big long section discussing my opinions of such matters, but I think I'll save the proselytizing for anyone who's interested later.

Instead, here are few facts/observations:

1. Prior to the arrival of Europeans, Aborigines have been in Australia, untouched, for at least 40,000 years and some estimate closer to 70,000 years.


2. At the VCA, there is a department called the, "Wilin Centre for Indigenous Arts and Cultural Development" which exists not only to promote the arts of the indigenous groups, but also to give support and a place for indigenous students attending the VCA.


3. There are no Aboriginal casinos.


4. There's a new holiday in Australia called, "I'm sorry day" or "Apology Day" or something. It's a weak-ass, meaningless holiday to tell the Aboriginal peoples 'I'm sorry' from us white folks. But it's something.


5. Modern Aboriginal art is amazing: fascinating, angry, inspiring, vibrant and hopeful.


6. Boomerangs and didgeridoos are even more awesome in action. Actually, they totally surpass expectations.


7. I've seen a lot of homeless and/or drunken Aborigines.


8. To lump all Aboriginal peoples into one group is probably as insulting as Apology Day.

Lastly, here are a few luxuries that I got in Australia that I could probably get somewhere else, but got here:

near anonymity

time

sleep

university access

persimmons

Yamaha makes a lot of money.

I taught two piano classes this semester. They were for music theatre students, you know, CATS and WICKED and DISNEY CRUISE SHIPS. It was a brand new class for a brand new music theatre program which is now the brand new defunct music theatre program. I still got paid. I had a lot of fun, despite the class times (4:45-6:15pm and 6:30 to 8pm on Fridays) and that these students were the most talkative and the worst listenening students I've ever had. If I wasn't feeling dizzy (I have no idea why, I'm open to suggestions), I would tell you more about the lofty goals I was given for this class and how I was expected to teach. As it is, you can just have some tales of my students...

Every week the two classes would swap times (so no class had to stay until 8 each week). One week a student couldn't make it to the "later" session. He told me he had previous plans. Usually I would tell him too enjoy his Big Fat Zero for the day, but there was a huge scheduling snafu that week, partly my fault. I told him to stop by class right at the beginning, and we could schedule another time to meet. He agreed.

Halfway through the class, he shows up and says, "I'm sorry, I couldn't make it to the beginning of class." I said, "So, you're here in the middle of class to schedule a lesson for another time but you couldn't come to the beginning of class and you can't stay for the end of class?" He said yes and I laughed. The class didn't understand why it was funny.

One week I gave the classes a pop-quiz. A student took a look at it and said, "I'm sorry, I haven't studied this part yet."

Halfway through the term, my bosses sent me a spreadsheet with the grading policies. This is the grading system:
(80-100%) FIRST CLASS HONOURS

(75-79%) SECOND CLASS HONOURS DIVISION A

(70-74%) SECOND CLASS HONOURS DIVISION B

(65-69%) THIRD CLASS HONOURS

(50-64%) PASS Meets the minimum threshold for satisfactory completion of the subject

I told the powers-that-be that I did not quite understand the grading system (in other words, WTF? with all the "Honours"). They told me to just give them a grade out of 100 and they would apply the Honours. Undergraduate degrees only take three years, but if you want you can opt for a 4th "Honours" year. I figured this was just for the kids with good grades and such, but it looks like anyone with a 65% average or better are specially gifted for a 4th year.

The kids were ALWAYS asking me questions about the U.S. and were pretty pumped about several American shows and movies like South Park, the Simpsons, etc... They also liked to tell me how they met some Americans and Americans are stupid. One week a girl said, "I heard that the reason you eat so much peanut butter, which is disgusting, is that everything is so sugary there. I saw a American student putting peanut butter on her apple at lunch EVERY DAY. That's so gross! Is it just because stuff is really sweet there?" I said, "Yeah, in fact, there's a giant bin of sugar at the door to every grocery store and when you leave, you have to dip all of your produce in the sugar bin." They bought it.

Alex can attest to this one. This is, quite literally, the sort of thing I would say on a weekly basis, every five minutes: "Now we are going to play the exercise on page 25 with your right hand only. This will be on page 25. If you're not sure what page it is, it's on page 25. Right hand only. There's no need to use your left hand. Make sure you are on page 25. All that you need is page 25 and to use your right hand. Your other right hand. We are no longer on page 27. No, do not turn to page 27. Page 25, right hand, 1-2-ready-go." When Alex was there, a girl actually said (after I explained the exercise for several minutes), "What are we doing?"

This happened today and I'm probably not being totally ethical by typing it, but if you want unethical tales of teachers, I've got a long line of stories worse than this. Anyhoo...there is a student who had to miss her final because she had "glandular fever" (Australian for mono). That's fine, people get sick. Today is Friday and we were supposed to meet at 4:30. I left the materials for her on the board on Monday, and emailed her to let her know they were there and to ask if she had any questions. I saw her on Wednesday and she said she had picked up the materials and didn't have any questions.

She emails me today at noon and says, she's only had two days to look at the materials and since we never confirmed our time, she would like to meet later, perhaps on the date I put on the materials. I told her it's not my fault she didn't pick up the materials until Wednesday and that we would not be able to meet at the date on the sheet unless she could go back in time to May 15th and be present for the original final. I was told she was made aware of the time by the administrator. (I can't schedule it myself because they have to have a camera for the final so we can record their final and so they can contest their final grade later. If any student tries to contest their grade, I will happily show them the 8 ways I managed to give them higher grades then they deserved). Regardless, I'm sure I'll have to reschedule.

That's all I got for music theatre students stories for now. I will say that I enjoyed teaching this semester. For the most part, they were fun students and I don't know, I just really like teaching classes. I'm going to go eat a candy bar.

Library Blog Addendum - Dear Reading Room, You Suck.

What better venue do I have to bitch about stuff than this lovely blog? I'll have to go back to kicking baby animals after this trip. I promise, this is my last bitchy blog. Blogs to come: my students (really!) and more Australian lingo.


While in Melbourne, I've been doing some research with the Percy Grainger Museum. Percy Grainger was an Australian composer who lived in the U.S. for sometime and helped Henry Cowell (my website guy) get out of prison. The Grainger Museum is currently closed for renovations (and has been for 5+ years). So, if I want to look at any documents, I have to place an order and the lovely Grainger Museum people bring the documents to the University of Melbourne's, [EVIL] READING ROOM.

The people in the reading room SUCK. Big time. They make me crazy. My heart has been racing since I left that place today, although I probably just need to eat lunch. Here are some of their policies:


Policy 01.008 - You can only use pencils in the reading room. Sometimes you can bring your own pencils. Sometimes you can't. We decide depending on how much fiber we've had today.

Policy 01.467 - You can look at all of the materials you ordered at the same time unless it's Tuesday and we're pissed at our kids. Then it's only two boxes at a time. In this case we will tell you that "Our policy is usually only two boxes at a time (meaning today)."

Policy 01.666 - When you finish with your boxes you must make a note when you will return on the blue form. If the old blind lady is working you have to fill out an additional pink form.

Policy 01.666.a - If you will return to view your documents within a week, you do not have to fill out the blue form. If you will return within a week, you still have to fill out the blue form. You have to write when you will return no matter what. If you are returning one day later than you said, you don't need to write it on the blue form. If you try to follow any of the above policies, we will laugh at you and tell you what the policy really is.

Policy 05.086 - If you need extra copy request forms, the front desk lady will happily oblige.
Policy 05.087 - If you need an extra orange material marker form, the front desk lady will laugh at you.
Policy 05.088 - If you ask if you should sign the triplicate copy request forms in pencil, the front desk lady will laugh at you.
Policy 05.089 - If you ask for scratch paper, the front desk lady will laugh at you.

Policy 0898 - Any documents requested from the Grainger Museum will really confuse the reading room staff. They really wish it was "archival material." "Did you order archival material?" No, Grainger Museum. "Didn't you have archival material?" No, Grainger Museum. "Hmm, I'll have to check to see if we have Grainger Museum items." I was here yesterday looking at Grainger Museum items. "We have a lot of archival material."

Policy 32978 - The front desk staff will always be very troubled by your name, staring at your ID for a minimum of 30 seconds when you hand it to them. They also have a tremendously difficult time finding your ID card at the end of your session. In their defense, at any given time there are up to 3 people (and 3 ID cards on file) in the reading room.

Policy 1000 - Pretty much everyone in the Reading Room is lucky to have a job as they are incapable of doing much other than sharpen pencils and push a remote control for the door. They work for shifts of an hour or less and are hired because of their innate ability to either A) look totally clueless, B) laugh at you, or preferably C) both.

Okay, that's it. Thanks, I feel better.

The Library Awards

Hello, my name is Stacey and I'm a library addict. I currently have items checked out from four different libraries in Melbourne. I've hit my item limit at most libraries to which I've belonged and I've contributed to the library economy on numerous occasions.

The LIBRARY is also one of a handful of inventions that make me believe in the promise of the human race. I'm serious. "Sure, you can take this book, we trust you. Just bring it back." Fantastic!

Admittedly, libraries also piss me off, a lot, but I blame this on two things: A-stupid people and B-the idiotic, bureaucratic policies that ensue because of stupid people

So,

I'm here to present THE LIBRARY AWARDS to libraries in my life: past and present.


Best library fine policy - Lenton Parr Library, Victorian College of the Arts:

THIS IS NO JOKE. This is their freakin' fine policy. I'm cutting and pasting it verbatim from the website:

Rolling Credit

• Fines are not payable until the total fines on your record reach or exceed $15.00.
• Once $15.00 is reached, all fines are payable.
• Once paid and your record cleared, the Library will offer you another $15.00 credit. This rolling credit is a goodwill gesture, and should assist those who do not consistently return items late.

What does this mean? It means can I incur up to $14.99 in fines and leave Melbourne with no fine record. Amazing!


Best Graduate Student item limit: University of Wisconsin-Madison

250 per semester, each item renewable for up to 6 semesters. I basically had the whole of the Henry Cowell, John Cage and Xenakis collections out of the library for three years. Yes, I once hit the 250 limit. Yes, I once recalled something from myself because I didn't realize I had it home. I told you, ADDICTED.




Best collection of travel books: City of Madison library, Central Branch.

I put this one in for Cory.



Most horrendous shelving system: Lenton Parr Library, Victorian College of the Arts

The picture below shows you the piano music collection here. It is a freakin' danger zone, Kenny Loggins. No dewey decimal, no Library of Congress, just QPJZBach300 or something, followed by QPXYLiszt410 and then maybe some KabalevskyXXX thrown in to make it sexy.




Most bizarre in-house policy: Music Library, University of Melbourne-Parkville

There are these signs in the study cubicles that say "SILENT AREA: By sitting in this study carrel you have chosen to work in a 'No Talking' Area. Please observe this and consider the people around you." There are tables near the cubicles full of students chatting about their sex lives like it's going out of style.

As far as I can tell, the policy means, "Just because you want to sit quietly in a cubicle, doesn't mean other people don't need to TALK. Consider these verbose individuals and start talking to yourself. Don't make them feel left out."



Most amazing system of frustrating bureaucratic bullshit that still gets me mad months and years after my time has been wasted: University of Wisconsin-Madison, libraries and school inclusive

I've told you about my copy card issue. Here's a tale of having to pay library fines.
Step one: Returned item late, incurred library fine
Step two: Not allowed to register until fine is paid, forced to go pay fine
Step three: Told at circulation desk that I must go to circulation office to pay fine
Step four: Told by circulation office that I must go to the 'third floor' to pay fine
Step five: Told by 'third floor' that I cannot pay fine in cash today
Step six: Upon returning to the 'third floor' with a checkbook and giving them a check, am told to take my receipt back to the circulation office to clear my account
Step seven: Circulation office clears my account and gives me a receipt printed on a machine with paper from 1964, so my receipt is a faint blue, unreadable memory of payment
Step eight: Begin the process of registration, that will inevitably be far more painful than paying a library fine. I don't think I'm ready to tell this tale.

How to Cuss in Australian

*Disclaimer*
This blog will include bad words.

Let me first say that I'm having serious arm troubles, serious enough that I might actually fix them this time. I'm not sure what this means right now, but probably, some sort of long-term rehabilitation. That's all you get 'cause that's all I really know at the moment. But... I am getting back to what I like best - researching things that have nothing to do with my professional life, like how nuclear power works and why it does more harm than good, how to make vegetable stock, and why Karl Urban is so freakin' sweet. Anyways, I have to take it easy on the typing, but I don't want to disappoint my faithful readers (Mom).


How to Cuss in Australian:
I don't cuss a lot except when I'm drunk, or playing in the band, or when I'm drunk AND playing in the band. Don't bring your kids to Attack Ponies shows. I guess I'm no more of an expert on cussing than anyone else, but teaching college kids gives me a bit of an advantage.

What I hear the most is the use of shit. The difference is that in the U.S. we often combine it with something else:

"This computer is a piece of shit."
"That is a bunch of shit."
"He's a real shithead."

In Australia, they just say shit:
"This computer is shit."
"That's shit."
"He's shit."

I'd say the only similar use of shit is shit itself, but just in the cussing form. For example, let's say you look into the broiler after it doesn't light, and then try to light it again, and fiery gas shoots out and burns off half your eyebrows and some of your hair, you might say SHIT!, both in the U.S. AND Australia. I don't know about the use of shit in the vernacular, but I do know that Australians would more likely say poo instead of poop.

I hear fuck a lot (especially from my students when they mess up, but that's another post, coming soon!). I also hear cunt a fair amount and I think they use that more than bitch. They're not nice words, but there you go.

I don't think I've ever heard a commandment-breaking sort of cuss or really any combination of God, damn, dammit, Jesus Christ, H., or what have you.

Ass is arse. For example, if you're watching "Blade II" and Whistler says "I built this operation, you ass-wipe!" the Australian subtitle will say "I built this operation, you arse-wipe!" Truth is, I've only seen arse on subtitles. I haven't actually heard anyone say it.

I guess that about covers it.

p.s. Australians love Hugh Jackman, lots and lots and lots and lots.

Alex and Stacey in Australia

Alex has been here three weeks and she's loving it. I also know that she never checks this blog so I can say whatever I want. Her hostel roommates are definitely the highlight of her experience to date. Those kids are great. Here are some of their more endearing features:

1) They have a DANCE PARTY! every weekend. Two weekends ago it started at midnight, went to 10:30 am and Eric Bana showed up.
2) Alex once saw her Irish hostel mate in yellow cleaning gloves, and a large green, glittery top hat reading, "Top o' the Morning!"
3) The bathroom is amazing. Features include: 1 inch of standing water, garbage on the floor in the water, empty garbage cans (next to floor-water garbage), and drains frequently clogged with ash-tray remains. (Where else would you put your butts? In the garbage?)
4) One of her recent roommates is such a good packer, she was able to fit her 6 favorite plush animals in her suitcase.

So what have we been up to? See below...

Last weekend we went to a rock show. It was poser central. Fashion alert: Flock of Seagulls haircuts are very hip in Melbourne right now.




We went to BINGO! and saw a different cross-section of Melbourne society. I won $100. Alex almost won a bag of seeds.

Our supplies.

Our competitors.

We look good in track lighting

Bingo at this place included no letters and yet, you still yell, BINGO! There were also a bunch of side games going on that we didn't get. "Okay, now it's time for your purple raffle cards...This is the super bonus round for meti-card holders...Your pull tabs are available for marking"

HEADS DOWN - is also a big phrase at Bingo. Once someone yells bingo, a girl goes over to her, reads all her numbers at breakneck speed, and the head-bingo-lady says, "That's a correct call," (except the one time I yelled bingo and didn't have all the numbers and got reprimanded. When the girl reads back your numbers it sounds like "hullabefortaugerreda" or something. After she read my numbers, the head bingo lady said, "76?, No, there's no 76", HEADS DOWN). Once it's confirmed, the bingo girl gives the person some amount of $50s. Then the head-bingo-lady says something like, "red card number 44368 HEADS DOWN."


During the month of April, Melbourne holds the "International Comedy Festival" (in Melbourne). I was gonna go see Janeane Garofolo, but the tickets were $60. I figured I could not see Janeane Garofolo for less in the U.S. However, I did buy Alex and I tickets to "Potted Potter," a kids show during which two guys re-enact all 7 Harry Potter books in 70 minutes. It includes a very scary dragon and a live game of Quidditch. There were some totally nerdy kids there reading books and shit.


Alex trying Vegemite.


At the pub 1.

At the pub 2.

At the pub 3.

My birthday present from Alex. We've already had quite the party with the Laser Party Light Show. It was rad and Eric Bana showed up.

Land of the Free and Reliable Internet Access

I have 16:43 left on my Frank Tate hall internet computer and am going to use it to bitch. It's 5:16 on a Sunday and I cannot find a computer in Melbourne to use to type a paper (due Tuesday). The VCA (my school)'s labs and library are closed on the weekends. The University of Melbourne has three places of access: the Arts and Humanities library (open until 5 on Sunday) and the Frank Tate and ERC buildings (open until 2 am on Sunday) with about, I don't know, 20 computers for the 45,000 population student body. In other words, I can't get on a computer.

It's not that I couldn't have done my paper earlier although it's not that I haven't been working on it either. It's just that I would like to keep working on it and not cram.

This morning I went to the State Library of Victoria (the state that Melbourne is in) to use its "one-hour access" computers for one hour and rocked the paper for sixty minutes.

Later, I'll tell you all about the libraries in Melbourne which have many more cute features, but I'll leave you with one of my favorite stories from my first year at the University of Wisconsin.

I had to print 7 pages in the lab which, at the rate of 7 cents a copy, would cost 49 cents. I had 50 cents, so no worries. However, the copy machine only takes copy cards which you need to purchase. The copy cards cost a dollar. I did not have a dollar but I did have an ATM card so I went to the ATM. Unfortunately, I had only $20 in my bank account which did not cover the $20 withdrawal minimum (minus the ATM fees). I did not make my copies.

Cory visiting Stacey in Australia

This is Marco and Stacey playing pool, with Angela and Cory watching. I don't know if it's an Australia thing or just this particular pub, but they don't have numbered billiard balls, just two different colors. I don't think this shot is gonna work.


Cory and I went to this place called "Healesville Sanctuary" so we could get our Australian-animal fix. They cared for many of the animal victims from the bushfires.

The Koalas were very photo-friendly, although I hear they're not so friendly in real life.


Tasmanian Devil. Definitely a highlight. There was a zoo-keeper standing nearby with a bucket of miscellaneous chicken parts.


It's hard to express how big these pelicans were, but if you can believe it, that's a normal-sized duck in front of them.


My local mixed-business milk bar.


Cory at the footy game. Footy is slang for Australian Rules Football. I guess it's a cross between soccer, American football and rugby. Cory was sold and I admit, it was pretty cool. It's like a school-yard game more than anything. And the fans are into it the whole time.


Some sort of Sydney thing. I think Katie Couric's been there.


The Anzac stairs - a Sydney tradition. There's a giant mattress at the bottom and if you jump, they give you a free boomerang.


They have these all over Melbourne and since Cory is more daring than me (I?), I made him try one. At the bottom, you get a surprise. That's all I'm saying. I'll get Alex to try one next.


At the airport, wasting time before the inevitable. Alex updates next!

Answers to Questions (part 2)

Double-posts today! This might be the last blog for a little bit. Cory will be here very soon, followed by Alex. I guess living, breathing people visiting me in Australia take priority over imaginary blog readers, and for that, I'm sorry.

Why are you in Australia?

I came to Australia to study with Donna Coleman, a piano professor who specializes in helping pianists with performance injuries (which I have). I also wanted to study abroad for at least a semester - something I've wanted to do since I started college but never got around to doing.

Haven't you had enough piano teachers?

Yes and no. I've had plenty of GREAT piano teachers, but I've never really chosen a piano teacher, or rather, looked for a teacher that would be a good fit for me. And because I am embarrassingly naive about all matters in the classical music world, or maybe about the world in general, it took me a long time to realize that most people do this.

Haven't you studied abroad enough?

Absolutely. I studied for 3 weeks in England, 3 weeks in Russia, 6 weeks in Florence and 3 weeks in Croatia. Then again, those were all sort of glorified holidays and I was more of a tourist than a resident. I really wanted to go somewhere and pay rent and go to a real school, not just a school set up for the visiting international students. I don't want to be catered to (well, not all the time) and wanted to experience a culture firsthand, but you know, without the whole, learning a new language part.

Well, is it working out like you hoped it would?

I get asked this the most. Yes, it is.

I would like to hear more about your program. Could you tell me more about it?

Really? Do you really want to hear about it? I don't think you'll find it that exciting. My days are all pretty sketchy and full of things I find fun, but I'm guessing most people would rather not do them. Here's what I've done today:

6:30 - I woke up with a headache and decided to go for a jog. The jog felt great. The headache went away.

8:00 - I made too much breakfast and wondered why we get two different GAS bills.

8:30 - I took the train and tried to look uninterested in the people around me, like everyone else.

9:00 - I called Alex and told her the stuff she had left to do for her trip, like I'm some sort of expert, and she told me about the new book, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" which is, so far, the best thing I've heard today.

9:30-11:30 - I practiced a Beethoven sonata, a Tania Leon piece (she's a living Cuban-American composer), made some copies for teaching tomorrow, practiced learning to read alto clef (the ultimate in Stacey nerdiness).

11:30-12:30 - I read a bit on Percy Grainger, the next stop in my research on early 20th century weirdos.

12:30 - lunch: lentils with rice, "chips" and carrots

1-2:30 - I rehearsed with the percussionist of the Tania Leon piece. I play piano, the percussionist plays about 50 different instruments.

2:30-3:00 - I talked to Cory and the cat was jealous.

3-4 - piano lesson with Donna

4-5 - worked on some stuff for my "professional life" in the U.S. This consists of very, very boring things like writing my own bio for a program in June and trying to decide what conferences to apply for next.

5-6:30 - NOW. Updating blog. Doing more email junk, like "Dear Percy Grainger estate. Can I please copy of a bunch of letters for free? I'll treat them nice. The end."

7-??? Go to a friend's b-day party at a place called "Pelican's" which is "in St. Kilda." Apparently, this is enough of a direction for most people, but is pretty meaningless to me. It's like saying, you know, it's at that bar down by the river. I originally thought this place was called, "Pelican's Time" but I was misread the text that said, "Meet at Pelicans time: 7:00 pm."

10 or so - pump up the inflatable mattress and pass out

I'm already bored by my answers, which means you must not even be reading at this point. I'll get to answering other questions later, like, "Don't you know there's an economic crisis going on? How can you afford this?" and "You just turned 31. Why aren't you getting married or having kids? Cory would make a great father." Don't hold your breath for these next answers.

Pictures of Australians I paid to take pictures with me...

The guy above, Matt, is one of 6 people in my program. He's a damn good percussionist and we're playing a piece together by Tania Leon (a Cuban-American composer).

This is me and Ross, a clarinetist in the program. He's also really good.

This is Pat, a bassist (electric, not acoustic) and Chris, a violinist. They're also awesome. Interestingly enough, we recently discovered that 4 out of 6 of us have birthdays within a week of each other: Chris-March 28, Me-March 29, Naomi (not pictured)-March 30 and Pat-April 2.

All of the above pictures are from our weekly, "Tuesday-after-class-go-get-a-beer" outing. It was the first Tuesday outing actually, where 1 beer turned into many, many beers. Halfway through the night, we drunk-dialed Cory (it was 5:30 am in Madison) and I ended up walking 5 kilometers home. I'm going to read this paragraph several times before I decide to sent it to my poor mother.


These are my lovely roommates, Angela and Marco,

and my birthday present from them, including a homemade card, awww. Angela, from Melbourne, is a fabulous artist and dancer, and is currently in a masters program studying art therapy. Marco is from Brazil and finishing a doctorate in computer science.

These pictures are from my birthday when we drank a bottle of champagne, and then went and ate lots of tapas, and then came back and drank another bottle of champagne. If you didn't already know this, graduate school=drinking. We could probably make it go full circle.

graduate school=drinking
graduate school=wondering if it would be better to just get 9-5 job
9-5 job=drinking
9-5 job=wondering if it would be better to just go back to school
graduate school=drinking

I think that sums up 95% of the people reading these blog updates.

DVDs (but in an Australian accent)

One of my roommates generously lent me his TV and DVD player. Being the nerd that I am, the first movie I watched was his copy of "2010: The Year We Make Contact." That's right, it's the sequel to "2001: A Space Odyssey."

"2010" is great. Roy Scheider as the Alpha male, (does he wear those shorts in all of his movies?), Helen Mirren as a Russian astronaut, John Lithgow as a sporty engineer, HAL, no, really, it's a real movie.

Anyway, while my roommate explained that the remote didn't work too well, I was thinking, "bah, I can figure out a remote. I'm not even really listening to you, because I know so much about what you're yapping. Yap, yap, remote, yap, batteries, yap, yap." I watch 2010 with no problems and no need for a remote.

Last week, I rented the documentary, "EVOLUTION!," narrated by Liam Neeson! at the library. Let me just say that my neighborhood library's DVD selection is not so hot. They have classics like, "Britney Spears: Live from Las Vegas" and the 3rd season of "Andromeda." They also have an extensive Chinese movie collection which includes the acclaimed, "Hold firm chopstick like pencil," and the Chinese version of the 6th season of "Andromeda." Okay, so I can't read the Chinese, but they did have Chinese-dubbed Star Wars. I'll save it for next time.

So I took "EVOLUTION!" home, and soon realized that my roommate was serious about his yapping. For example, if I want to watch any chapter of EVOLUTION other than the stuffy-British-actor's reenactment of Darwin's life, complete with muttonchops (Muttonchops!), I need a remote.

Despite my roommate's insistence that all I had to do was open the battery cartridge and push down the batteries, I could not get the remote to work. Again, as I'm just too smart for remotes, I took the batteries out and was determined to "fix" the battery cartridge. Despite my engineering credentials (I was awarded the 3rd place woman-in-science prize at my high school, as I totally got an A- in Chemistry and was 1 of 2 girls in Physics), I couldn't fix it. The battery coils, and the batteries, were rusted. And the coils fell out.

Now's the time that I should tell you, my roommate bought this DVD/remote combo at ALDI. Yep, that discount grocery store from Germany that sells garbanzo beans for 39 cents and charges for plastic bags. My DVD player was created by the German company Medion, "a successful concept for more than 20 years!," although my particular model is a Tevion 1020, a sub-brand of the monolith that is Medion. (Yes, monolith, as in Asimov and monkeys and Roy Schieder's shorts.)

I've been spending the last half-hour or so searching for a Tevion 1020 remote. I was surprised that I remembered my eBay account info and logged into eBay-Australia which greeted me with a "G'day mate!" I think that eBay-Australia must be run by Americans as no civilized Australian web-designer would put "G'day mate!" on the top of an Australian website. And what would be the American equivalent? By the way, Turkish eBay is found at http://www.gittigidiyor.com/.

This blog is going to wind down to nothing, so I'll shift into a new story. I've been reading this book called, "An Australian in America." In one chapter, the author discusses the fake politeness of Americans. Apparently Americans (or Americans in 1989) are (were) known for being over-polite, always saying "Hello," "How can I help you?," etc... The author claims that this is all a bunch of crap and that these comments and questions are rhetorical. We don't want to help you. We don't really want to know how you are.

There could be some truth to this. Have you ever asked someone how they're doing and then they have the nerve to respond honestly and in detail? Americans can't deal. We want our nice-ities short and sweet. How are you? Fine. How are you? Fine. Cool, let's go to Abercrombie.

Also, why is it that you can always get sympathy for being hungover, but people are skeptical when you have a cold like you're faking or something? A cold's not your fault. The hangover though - no one forced those last two tequila shots down your throat.

Hang in there with me, we're almost done. Anyway, my favorite example from the Americans-are-not-really-polite chapter of "An Australian in America," was the following conversation the author overheard on a bus:

Bus Driver: "Have a nice day."
Old Woman: "What was that?"
Bus Driver: "You heard me."

acupuncture

I went to acupuncture this morning. I'm sure that a lot of you don't have experience with "Eastern Medicine" so here are a few tips:
1) The night before, you should go out to the bar for a few hours, get coffee and cake around midnight, and then walk home and lie awake wired, wondering if you should watch the "Rosemary's Baby" DVD that you rented at the library.
2) The next morning, pop a couple of vitamins.

I assumed, wrongly, that the "initial consultation" would not include needles in my arm. I don't know if any of you have had acupuncture. Basically, she (the acupuncturist) asked me what was wrong, and I bumbled my way through a description of my arm pain, shoulder tension, back pain, rapidly diminishing brain cells etc... I laid on a table and she massaged my arm to find the pain. When I winced, she put in needles.

There were less than ten needles in each arm. If you could draw a line connecting the needles, it would have followed the line of a tendon from elbow to hand. It was a weird sensation. A couple of times, I kicked my leg in reflex to the needle. And the first one made me teary. She said that was common, but maybe she was just making me feel better. They didn't hurt. They just made my arms heavy. On about 4 or 5 of the needles, she also put these little cone things and lit them on fire. They heated up for about 5 minutes and then died down. After about 10-15 minutes, she took them out and rubbed liquid tiger balm on my arms.

In general, it feels better. The tiger balm still feels good and there's a small bruise on my left elbow. I'm going back Friday.

Για σου (Yasou)

I started Greek this week. It was great. It's certainly a more leisurely-paced class than a college language course, but that's cool. In two hours, we learned the alphabet and how to say, "Hello, My name is Lena, lemonade, Nescafe, goodbye." I'd say 75% of the class either has some Greek heritage or is married to a Greek. For example: George and Kosta - Greek, Audrey and Kim - married to Greeks.

Here's a brief comparison of the history of Greeks in America (USA!) and Australia (??).

Greeks in America:
ca. 1850 - Americans get tired of making fun of Irish. They invite male Greeks to come to the U.S. to finish building the railroads
ca. 1890 - Greek men get around to responding and come to the U.S. They're too late to build the railroads, but they're in plenty of time to fix the railroads. They also find time to kill cows.
ca. 1900 - Greek women finish packing and go to the U.S.
ca. 1930 - Due to the depression, there is a shortage of steak fries, iceberg lettuce and blue and white awnings. Greek Americans invite the rest of Greece to join them.
ca. 1970 - Any other remaining Greeks show up and begin the SCOLA network.

Some notable Greek Americans: Jennifer Aniston - commonly referred to as "beige", Pete Sampras - did not graduate from high school, Bob Costas - okay, he's kind of a douche, but I still have a little crush on him.


Greeks in Australia:
ca. 1860 - Some Greek men mistakenly end up in Australia because they heard there was gold in Austria.
ca. 1950 - Australians get tired of making fun of the Irish. They invite Greek men to come and live in a desert at the bottom of the world, where there are no women, jobs, or olive oil. Greeks think this sounds like a good idea.
ca. 1960 - Greek women finish packing and join the men.
ca. 1970-2000 - Half the Greeks return to Greece and introduce "vegemite gyros."
ca. 2009 - Despite everyone telling me that Melbourne has the largest population of Greeks outside of Greece, I've seen one block with Greek-labeled trash cans, three Greek restaurants, and canned domathes at the grocery store.

Some notable Greek-Australians: Mark Philippoussis - I saw him lose at Wimbledon once, Anthony Koutoufides - no, not the lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jenny Mikakos - I don't who she is, but Wikipedia says she's a famous Greek-Australian.

Life is good.

I get the impression that some would like to hear more good things about my time here. Okay, ten things that are good, no cheating (and enjoy the video).

1) I love that I can get cheap "fast-food" vegetarian sushi rolls, with little flowers of wasabi and little fish-shaped containers of soy sauce.

2) Public transportation is awesome. Trams, trains and buses take me everywhere.

3) I'm also walking, a lot, and glad. While at a wedding last spring, I was complaining about having to wear heels. A friend, who had just recovered from chemo, told me to never complain about having to stand, or walk, cause you never know how great standing and walking are until you can't. So I don't, complain, about walking. It's awesome.

4) Every morning, I get to walk by a beautiful view of the Yarra River, the Melbourne Arts Centre, and the National Gallery.

5) My roommates are really great and I lucked out with an amazing place, in a cool part of town, for less than I pay in Madison.

6) Wine is cheap and good. Very good.

7) This week it rained a lot: good for the bushfire situation, good for the drought situation.

8) My piano professor and my classmates are great: fun, supportive, engaged (in what they do). It's fantastic.

9) I recently tried two new homeopathic remedies for my tendinitis that had immediate positive effects. And I love that outside of the U.S., homeopathics are suggested and supported instead of given the FDA's warnings: "Dear American consumer: You can buy this hippie flower crap if you want, but we have no medical studies funded by Proctor Gamble to prove its effectiveness. And spinach will kill you."

10) I'm so glad to be teaching classes again.

USA! USA! USA!

-DISCLAIMER- The U.S.A. is my favorite country on earth, my home and where I want to live, mostly...

The pics below are taken from a two or three block strip in the center of downtown. It's harder to find these sorts of places elsewhere in Melbourne, but admittedly, I haven't been everywhere.

Sometimes, I'm very paranoid about my accent and feel the need to apologize for being American, or rather, apologize for the actions of some Americans. "Dear Australia, I'm sorry that when our economy tanks, your economy tanks. I'm sorry that when we go to war, we force you to choose sides. I'm sorry that Jennifer Aniston is on all of your magazine covers as well."

On the other hand, when I tell people my website address, they comment, "Oh, nice, you don't have to have a country suffix on your websites. You just get a "dot" com (instead of .com.au)." And I think, "Yeah! Damn straight. We win! We're number 1! We get dot com. USA! USA! USA!"


Yesterday in class we were discussing the "Yes we can" slogan of Obama and the Australians all commented on how that wouldn't work here. They would be a bit skeptical of a "Yes we can" opting more for "Perhaps we can" or "What if we can't?"

Australians are also much more casual than us and I'm having difficulty adjusting to this. Libraries close at 6? Computer labs close at 5? You have to sign up to practice in the evening and weekends? I feel like I want to grab the whole city by the arm and say, "C'mon, let's go, Let's go!" I consider myself a pretty laid-back person, but also a need-to-be-busy person. When I complained about the computer lab hours to my classmates they looked at me like I was some coke addict. They also commented that Americans ARE seen as "can-do" people. "Yeah, that's right. I CAN DO it. I don't need coke, but if I want it, I can get it. It's a free country. Don't tread on me. USA! USA! USA!"

Lastly, my Brazilian roommate says that many Latin and South American people are offended by "Americans" calling themselves as such, seeing that we aren't the only ones living in "America" (you know, North and South America). He asked if maybe we could call ourselves, "United Statesians" or something. Hmm, probably not gonna go over too well. But what are you gonna do about it, Brazil, or Honduras, or Guyana? Nothing, USA! USA! USA!

If you look closely, you can see Subway, 7-11, Coca-Cola, AND Krispy Kreme down the way. I was telling my roommate how Subway blows and in the U.S. you can't get a decent vegetarian sub at Subway. He was surprised, saying that Australian Subway is probably better and I should try it out. I'm skeptical. They still have the triangle cheese.

Internet at McDonalds! Now you can bring your laptop while you eat french fries! All the McDonalds(es?) I've seen also have a "McCafe" where you can get fancy coffee drinks and pastries, albeit McDonalds versions.

This is the Australian Burger King. I guess they already had a place named Burger King in Adelaide. I checked out the menu and they still have the Whopper.

KFC, really? Gross.

There are actually quite a few donut places downtown. There are also cupcake places and at the farmer's markets, they sell "gourmet cupcakes."

I guess I don't know if EB Games is American.

Yep, there's Starbucks, and like 4 of them in a 6 block radius. I know, it's ridiculous.