Random!

Random pics - Random thoughts. See y'all soon. : )

Australians don't say "How ya doin?" or "How's it going?" They say, "How ya goin?"

Mark Brandon "Chopper" Read (yep, like the movie) lives on my block. I saw him yesterday.

http://www.chopperread.com/

Sometimes, when Australians are sick they say, "I'm crook." When I asked what crook meant someone said, "Crook, you know, as in 'I'm crook as a dog.'"

I don't know what it's like to live under an Obama presidency.

In Australia, 'power point' can refer to the software, or refer to an electrical outlet.

My Greek class taught me about a lot of things and a lot more than I expected.

I will miss my flatmates the most. They are awesome.

Penultimate Ponderings

The overeducated urge to summarize my experience is too great to ignore. But I'll put pictures up after this.

To answer, again, the often asked question, Has this experience been everything that you were hoping for?, Why does everyone ask me that? No one says, Are you having a good time? Yes, I've had a good time. Let's talk about

A U S T R A L I A

A lot of things that you can get in Melbourne, or in Australia, you can get other places, and perhaps, even better. Here are some things that you can't get elsewhere, or can't get better:

Sense of humor. Australians have a fantastically offbeat and sarcastic sense of humor. I highly recommend three Australian movies, two of which you may have seen, that seem to sum up the Australian sense of things: Chopper, Harvie Krumpet and Malcolm.

I was also told that Australians expect Americans to not understand their sarcasm and have had bad experiences with Americans not getting jokes in the past. Here's one story: My friend, a violinist, was at an American summer music camp. An American girl was about to perform in front of the group and was really nervous. My friend said, "Don't worry. The worst that can happen is that you do horribly and completely embarrass yourself in front of everyone." She gasped, then cried, and later my friend was told by others that it was an inappropriate comment.

Animals. I guess being an island makes an evolutionary difference. Australian animals are unique in the true sense of the word. Tasmanian Devils, the Duck-Billed Platypus, the whole marsupial gang, and many other animals that are obscenely large and seem to come from The Land That Time Forgot. I don't know, it's tough to explain, but even with all the pics of kangaroos and koalas I was totally unprepared for how they really look.

Australian Rules Football. It's a cross between American football, soccer and rugby, but more of a schoolyard game than a game bogged down with rules and regulations. In other words, the basics are easy to understand and the fans STAY ENGAGED THE WHOLE TIME. I've never seen this. I mean, you can't get a whole NFL stadium to cheer for every first down. The Aussies would cheer for everything, and this was an early season game. I was impressed and had a great time.

Aborigines. I haven't talked much about aborigines because I know so little, but I have thought a fair amount on the plight of Aborigines vs the plight of native peoples in the Western Hemisphere. I first typed up this big long section discussing my opinions of such matters, but I think I'll save the proselytizing for anyone who's interested later.

Instead, here are few facts/observations:

1. Prior to the arrival of Europeans, Aborigines have been in Australia, untouched, for at least 40,000 years and some estimate closer to 70,000 years.


2. At the VCA, there is a department called the, "Wilin Centre for Indigenous Arts and Cultural Development" which exists not only to promote the arts of the indigenous groups, but also to give support and a place for indigenous students attending the VCA.


3. There are no Aboriginal casinos.


4. There's a new holiday in Australia called, "I'm sorry day" or "Apology Day" or something. It's a weak-ass, meaningless holiday to tell the Aboriginal peoples 'I'm sorry' from us white folks. But it's something.


5. Modern Aboriginal art is amazing: fascinating, angry, inspiring, vibrant and hopeful.


6. Boomerangs and didgeridoos are even more awesome in action. Actually, they totally surpass expectations.


7. I've seen a lot of homeless and/or drunken Aborigines.


8. To lump all Aboriginal peoples into one group is probably as insulting as Apology Day.

Lastly, here are a few luxuries that I got in Australia that I could probably get somewhere else, but got here:

near anonymity

time

sleep

university access

persimmons

Yamaha makes a lot of money.

I taught two piano classes this semester. They were for music theatre students, you know, CATS and WICKED and DISNEY CRUISE SHIPS. It was a brand new class for a brand new music theatre program which is now the brand new defunct music theatre program. I still got paid. I had a lot of fun, despite the class times (4:45-6:15pm and 6:30 to 8pm on Fridays) and that these students were the most talkative and the worst listenening students I've ever had. If I wasn't feeling dizzy (I have no idea why, I'm open to suggestions), I would tell you more about the lofty goals I was given for this class and how I was expected to teach. As it is, you can just have some tales of my students...

Every week the two classes would swap times (so no class had to stay until 8 each week). One week a student couldn't make it to the "later" session. He told me he had previous plans. Usually I would tell him too enjoy his Big Fat Zero for the day, but there was a huge scheduling snafu that week, partly my fault. I told him to stop by class right at the beginning, and we could schedule another time to meet. He agreed.

Halfway through the class, he shows up and says, "I'm sorry, I couldn't make it to the beginning of class." I said, "So, you're here in the middle of class to schedule a lesson for another time but you couldn't come to the beginning of class and you can't stay for the end of class?" He said yes and I laughed. The class didn't understand why it was funny.

One week I gave the classes a pop-quiz. A student took a look at it and said, "I'm sorry, I haven't studied this part yet."

Halfway through the term, my bosses sent me a spreadsheet with the grading policies. This is the grading system:
(80-100%) FIRST CLASS HONOURS

(75-79%) SECOND CLASS HONOURS DIVISION A

(70-74%) SECOND CLASS HONOURS DIVISION B

(65-69%) THIRD CLASS HONOURS

(50-64%) PASS Meets the minimum threshold for satisfactory completion of the subject

I told the powers-that-be that I did not quite understand the grading system (in other words, WTF? with all the "Honours"). They told me to just give them a grade out of 100 and they would apply the Honours. Undergraduate degrees only take three years, but if you want you can opt for a 4th "Honours" year. I figured this was just for the kids with good grades and such, but it looks like anyone with a 65% average or better are specially gifted for a 4th year.

The kids were ALWAYS asking me questions about the U.S. and were pretty pumped about several American shows and movies like South Park, the Simpsons, etc... They also liked to tell me how they met some Americans and Americans are stupid. One week a girl said, "I heard that the reason you eat so much peanut butter, which is disgusting, is that everything is so sugary there. I saw a American student putting peanut butter on her apple at lunch EVERY DAY. That's so gross! Is it just because stuff is really sweet there?" I said, "Yeah, in fact, there's a giant bin of sugar at the door to every grocery store and when you leave, you have to dip all of your produce in the sugar bin." They bought it.

Alex can attest to this one. This is, quite literally, the sort of thing I would say on a weekly basis, every five minutes: "Now we are going to play the exercise on page 25 with your right hand only. This will be on page 25. If you're not sure what page it is, it's on page 25. Right hand only. There's no need to use your left hand. Make sure you are on page 25. All that you need is page 25 and to use your right hand. Your other right hand. We are no longer on page 27. No, do not turn to page 27. Page 25, right hand, 1-2-ready-go." When Alex was there, a girl actually said (after I explained the exercise for several minutes), "What are we doing?"

This happened today and I'm probably not being totally ethical by typing it, but if you want unethical tales of teachers, I've got a long line of stories worse than this. Anyhoo...there is a student who had to miss her final because she had "glandular fever" (Australian for mono). That's fine, people get sick. Today is Friday and we were supposed to meet at 4:30. I left the materials for her on the board on Monday, and emailed her to let her know they were there and to ask if she had any questions. I saw her on Wednesday and she said she had picked up the materials and didn't have any questions.

She emails me today at noon and says, she's only had two days to look at the materials and since we never confirmed our time, she would like to meet later, perhaps on the date I put on the materials. I told her it's not my fault she didn't pick up the materials until Wednesday and that we would not be able to meet at the date on the sheet unless she could go back in time to May 15th and be present for the original final. I was told she was made aware of the time by the administrator. (I can't schedule it myself because they have to have a camera for the final so we can record their final and so they can contest their final grade later. If any student tries to contest their grade, I will happily show them the 8 ways I managed to give them higher grades then they deserved). Regardless, I'm sure I'll have to reschedule.

That's all I got for music theatre students stories for now. I will say that I enjoyed teaching this semester. For the most part, they were fun students and I don't know, I just really like teaching classes. I'm going to go eat a candy bar.

Library Blog Addendum - Dear Reading Room, You Suck.

What better venue do I have to bitch about stuff than this lovely blog? I'll have to go back to kicking baby animals after this trip. I promise, this is my last bitchy blog. Blogs to come: my students (really!) and more Australian lingo.


While in Melbourne, I've been doing some research with the Percy Grainger Museum. Percy Grainger was an Australian composer who lived in the U.S. for sometime and helped Henry Cowell (my website guy) get out of prison. The Grainger Museum is currently closed for renovations (and has been for 5+ years). So, if I want to look at any documents, I have to place an order and the lovely Grainger Museum people bring the documents to the University of Melbourne's, [EVIL] READING ROOM.

The people in the reading room SUCK. Big time. They make me crazy. My heart has been racing since I left that place today, although I probably just need to eat lunch. Here are some of their policies:


Policy 01.008 - You can only use pencils in the reading room. Sometimes you can bring your own pencils. Sometimes you can't. We decide depending on how much fiber we've had today.

Policy 01.467 - You can look at all of the materials you ordered at the same time unless it's Tuesday and we're pissed at our kids. Then it's only two boxes at a time. In this case we will tell you that "Our policy is usually only two boxes at a time (meaning today)."

Policy 01.666 - When you finish with your boxes you must make a note when you will return on the blue form. If the old blind lady is working you have to fill out an additional pink form.

Policy 01.666.a - If you will return to view your documents within a week, you do not have to fill out the blue form. If you will return within a week, you still have to fill out the blue form. You have to write when you will return no matter what. If you are returning one day later than you said, you don't need to write it on the blue form. If you try to follow any of the above policies, we will laugh at you and tell you what the policy really is.

Policy 05.086 - If you need extra copy request forms, the front desk lady will happily oblige.
Policy 05.087 - If you need an extra orange material marker form, the front desk lady will laugh at you.
Policy 05.088 - If you ask if you should sign the triplicate copy request forms in pencil, the front desk lady will laugh at you.
Policy 05.089 - If you ask for scratch paper, the front desk lady will laugh at you.

Policy 0898 - Any documents requested from the Grainger Museum will really confuse the reading room staff. They really wish it was "archival material." "Did you order archival material?" No, Grainger Museum. "Didn't you have archival material?" No, Grainger Museum. "Hmm, I'll have to check to see if we have Grainger Museum items." I was here yesterday looking at Grainger Museum items. "We have a lot of archival material."

Policy 32978 - The front desk staff will always be very troubled by your name, staring at your ID for a minimum of 30 seconds when you hand it to them. They also have a tremendously difficult time finding your ID card at the end of your session. In their defense, at any given time there are up to 3 people (and 3 ID cards on file) in the reading room.

Policy 1000 - Pretty much everyone in the Reading Room is lucky to have a job as they are incapable of doing much other than sharpen pencils and push a remote control for the door. They work for shifts of an hour or less and are hired because of their innate ability to either A) look totally clueless, B) laugh at you, or preferably C) both.

Okay, that's it. Thanks, I feel better.

The Library Awards

Hello, my name is Stacey and I'm a library addict. I currently have items checked out from four different libraries in Melbourne. I've hit my item limit at most libraries to which I've belonged and I've contributed to the library economy on numerous occasions.

The LIBRARY is also one of a handful of inventions that make me believe in the promise of the human race. I'm serious. "Sure, you can take this book, we trust you. Just bring it back." Fantastic!

Admittedly, libraries also piss me off, a lot, but I blame this on two things: A-stupid people and B-the idiotic, bureaucratic policies that ensue because of stupid people

So,

I'm here to present THE LIBRARY AWARDS to libraries in my life: past and present.


Best library fine policy - Lenton Parr Library, Victorian College of the Arts:

THIS IS NO JOKE. This is their freakin' fine policy. I'm cutting and pasting it verbatim from the website:

Rolling Credit

• Fines are not payable until the total fines on your record reach or exceed $15.00.
• Once $15.00 is reached, all fines are payable.
• Once paid and your record cleared, the Library will offer you another $15.00 credit. This rolling credit is a goodwill gesture, and should assist those who do not consistently return items late.

What does this mean? It means can I incur up to $14.99 in fines and leave Melbourne with no fine record. Amazing!


Best Graduate Student item limit: University of Wisconsin-Madison

250 per semester, each item renewable for up to 6 semesters. I basically had the whole of the Henry Cowell, John Cage and Xenakis collections out of the library for three years. Yes, I once hit the 250 limit. Yes, I once recalled something from myself because I didn't realize I had it home. I told you, ADDICTED.




Best collection of travel books: City of Madison library, Central Branch.

I put this one in for Cory.



Most horrendous shelving system: Lenton Parr Library, Victorian College of the Arts

The picture below shows you the piano music collection here. It is a freakin' danger zone, Kenny Loggins. No dewey decimal, no Library of Congress, just QPJZBach300 or something, followed by QPXYLiszt410 and then maybe some KabalevskyXXX thrown in to make it sexy.




Most bizarre in-house policy: Music Library, University of Melbourne-Parkville

There are these signs in the study cubicles that say "SILENT AREA: By sitting in this study carrel you have chosen to work in a 'No Talking' Area. Please observe this and consider the people around you." There are tables near the cubicles full of students chatting about their sex lives like it's going out of style.

As far as I can tell, the policy means, "Just because you want to sit quietly in a cubicle, doesn't mean other people don't need to TALK. Consider these verbose individuals and start talking to yourself. Don't make them feel left out."



Most amazing system of frustrating bureaucratic bullshit that still gets me mad months and years after my time has been wasted: University of Wisconsin-Madison, libraries and school inclusive

I've told you about my copy card issue. Here's a tale of having to pay library fines.
Step one: Returned item late, incurred library fine
Step two: Not allowed to register until fine is paid, forced to go pay fine
Step three: Told at circulation desk that I must go to circulation office to pay fine
Step four: Told by circulation office that I must go to the 'third floor' to pay fine
Step five: Told by 'third floor' that I cannot pay fine in cash today
Step six: Upon returning to the 'third floor' with a checkbook and giving them a check, am told to take my receipt back to the circulation office to clear my account
Step seven: Circulation office clears my account and gives me a receipt printed on a machine with paper from 1964, so my receipt is a faint blue, unreadable memory of payment
Step eight: Begin the process of registration, that will inevitably be far more painful than paying a library fine. I don't think I'm ready to tell this tale.

How to Cuss in Australian

*Disclaimer*
This blog will include bad words.

Let me first say that I'm having serious arm troubles, serious enough that I might actually fix them this time. I'm not sure what this means right now, but probably, some sort of long-term rehabilitation. That's all you get 'cause that's all I really know at the moment. But... I am getting back to what I like best - researching things that have nothing to do with my professional life, like how nuclear power works and why it does more harm than good, how to make vegetable stock, and why Karl Urban is so freakin' sweet. Anyways, I have to take it easy on the typing, but I don't want to disappoint my faithful readers (Mom).


How to Cuss in Australian:
I don't cuss a lot except when I'm drunk, or playing in the band, or when I'm drunk AND playing in the band. Don't bring your kids to Attack Ponies shows. I guess I'm no more of an expert on cussing than anyone else, but teaching college kids gives me a bit of an advantage.

What I hear the most is the use of shit. The difference is that in the U.S. we often combine it with something else:

"This computer is a piece of shit."
"That is a bunch of shit."
"He's a real shithead."

In Australia, they just say shit:
"This computer is shit."
"That's shit."
"He's shit."

I'd say the only similar use of shit is shit itself, but just in the cussing form. For example, let's say you look into the broiler after it doesn't light, and then try to light it again, and fiery gas shoots out and burns off half your eyebrows and some of your hair, you might say SHIT!, both in the U.S. AND Australia. I don't know about the use of shit in the vernacular, but I do know that Australians would more likely say poo instead of poop.

I hear fuck a lot (especially from my students when they mess up, but that's another post, coming soon!). I also hear cunt a fair amount and I think they use that more than bitch. They're not nice words, but there you go.

I don't think I've ever heard a commandment-breaking sort of cuss or really any combination of God, damn, dammit, Jesus Christ, H., or what have you.

Ass is arse. For example, if you're watching "Blade II" and Whistler says "I built this operation, you ass-wipe!" the Australian subtitle will say "I built this operation, you arse-wipe!" Truth is, I've only seen arse on subtitles. I haven't actually heard anyone say it.

I guess that about covers it.

p.s. Australians love Hugh Jackman, lots and lots and lots and lots.

Alex and Stacey in Australia

Alex has been here three weeks and she's loving it. I also know that she never checks this blog so I can say whatever I want. Her hostel roommates are definitely the highlight of her experience to date. Those kids are great. Here are some of their more endearing features:

1) They have a DANCE PARTY! every weekend. Two weekends ago it started at midnight, went to 10:30 am and Eric Bana showed up.
2) Alex once saw her Irish hostel mate in yellow cleaning gloves, and a large green, glittery top hat reading, "Top o' the Morning!"
3) The bathroom is amazing. Features include: 1 inch of standing water, garbage on the floor in the water, empty garbage cans (next to floor-water garbage), and drains frequently clogged with ash-tray remains. (Where else would you put your butts? In the garbage?)
4) One of her recent roommates is such a good packer, she was able to fit her 6 favorite plush animals in her suitcase.

So what have we been up to? See below...

Last weekend we went to a rock show. It was poser central. Fashion alert: Flock of Seagulls haircuts are very hip in Melbourne right now.




We went to BINGO! and saw a different cross-section of Melbourne society. I won $100. Alex almost won a bag of seeds.

Our supplies.

Our competitors.

We look good in track lighting

Bingo at this place included no letters and yet, you still yell, BINGO! There were also a bunch of side games going on that we didn't get. "Okay, now it's time for your purple raffle cards...This is the super bonus round for meti-card holders...Your pull tabs are available for marking"

HEADS DOWN - is also a big phrase at Bingo. Once someone yells bingo, a girl goes over to her, reads all her numbers at breakneck speed, and the head-bingo-lady says, "That's a correct call," (except the one time I yelled bingo and didn't have all the numbers and got reprimanded. When the girl reads back your numbers it sounds like "hullabefortaugerreda" or something. After she read my numbers, the head bingo lady said, "76?, No, there's no 76", HEADS DOWN). Once it's confirmed, the bingo girl gives the person some amount of $50s. Then the head-bingo-lady says something like, "red card number 44368 HEADS DOWN."


During the month of April, Melbourne holds the "International Comedy Festival" (in Melbourne). I was gonna go see Janeane Garofolo, but the tickets were $60. I figured I could not see Janeane Garofolo for less in the U.S. However, I did buy Alex and I tickets to "Potted Potter," a kids show during which two guys re-enact all 7 Harry Potter books in 70 minutes. It includes a very scary dragon and a live game of Quidditch. There were some totally nerdy kids there reading books and shit.


Alex trying Vegemite.


At the pub 1.

At the pub 2.

At the pub 3.

My birthday present from Alex. We've already had quite the party with the Laser Party Light Show. It was rad and Eric Bana showed up.